Hello degenerates,
heathens, weirdos, and deviants. I am the Rock Otaku, and I’m here to
show you worlds such as hard rock, metal, punk, alternative rock, movies, TV,
anime, video games, and anything that makes us scream, shout, and let it all
out.
As some of you may
have noticed, I tend to have that opening slogan in my blogs when I do
something big or based on a series, but I seem to only discuss the first two
(and three after that when the opportunity arises) in my blog overall. As for the others, they end up serving as
times to make references or jokes in my main series. And this is the main reason why I am now
going to try to fit in more anime reviews, news, and countdowns into my blog.
You know what, I’ll
use the extra week I’ve added to my time to make my LET THEM EAT METAL series
bi-weekly to create a series of countdowns.
And they don’t have to be just about anime. I can use this to mention movies, TV shows,
episodes of shows, news, games, and even other musical artists I want to talk
about but aren’t able to usually thanks to my current load. But I’ve set my mind to movies this week.
Why? Because in two weeks, the Summer Movie Season
officially starts. Yes, I’m aware that
the “Summer Movie Season” has felt like it’s been pushed earlier into the year
(with The Fate Of The Furious having come out this month and the releases last
march) while also expanding into September a bit. That and the kind of big, high-octane, wild
blockbusters we’re used to are not being pushed into the holiday season. But when you get to it, Summer Movies are the
kind of movies that make us go, “Wow, did you see that movie, Jim? It was so awesome, especially with the scene
featuring a tank driving off a military plane.”
You know, big, dumb action movies and colorful family films. Plus the occasional horror fare. And all the genre movies that get loads of
critical praise but are ignored by the dumb masses.
And this list is for
my picks for the summer movies that I, myself and probably a few family and
friends, are excited for the most. The
ones that I’ll try to check out this summer.
If you’re wondering about how this works, well here are some pointers:
1.
It
has to come out between May 5th, 2017 and September 1st,
2017 (the Friday before Labor Day).
2.
My
excitement has to be based around if the franchise it’s based on had great
installments beforehand, or the cast and crew’s current resumes and premise if
it’s not a sequel, reboot, or franchise film.
3.
If
it’s getting a limited release, I have to be able to determine if it’s playing
in the Atlanta, Georgia area (or where I’m at during the summer) during the set
time frame. Obviously wide releases
won’t get that distinction.
4.
If
I have some shred of optimism for the film, it has a chance to be on the “most
excited for” list. If not.
As a
result, don’t expect certain big movies that’ll come out in November or
December such as Coco, Justice League, Thor: Ragnarok or Star Wars: The
Last Jedi. This is all about the
summer. And because there are so many
“big” movies coming out this summer, I’ll also have honorable mentions for
those that don’t make the main list as well as, for the first time in forever,
a dishonorable mentions list, which will be for the movies I have little-to-no
faith in.
Anyway,
let’s get to the main list:
10. Despicable Me 3 (June 30)
It’s the
new Despicable Me movie, the only film franchise where the whole Minion crap is
at its tolerable. Let me rephrase
that. When the focus of the plot is on
Gru, Lucy, the girls, or anyone BUT the Minions, then the Minion stuff doesn’t
hurt the movie. And while the latest
trailer revealed way too much of the plot, I do find the fact that Trey Parker
of South Park fame playing the main
antagonist here to be very amusing, especially with the 80s theme of the
character. Let’s just say that if
nothing else, there’s a good chance of comedy from Steve Carell, Kirsten Wiig,
and Trey Parker here to sustain the movie, and I think that (outside of Sing,
which I didn’t see) this is the only thing Illumination Entertainment is good
at. I’m in, sort of.
9. The Mummy (June 9)
Did we
need another Mummy movie? Well, this is
the era of reboots and sequels. And
Universal is trying to have their own cinematic universe like Marvel, but with
their classic monsters. It’s as if this
is trying to take what didn’t work about Dracula Untold, ignore it, then take a
franchise that has a modern fan base because of its goofier aspects and fun
moments and make it “dark and gritty.”
But when they get Tom Cruise to do a physically exhausting action movie,
I’m in thanks to the last few Mission:
Impossible movies and Edge of
Tomorrow. That and where I’m
concerned is that the movie is removing Imhotep in favor of a female mummy
who’s similar in appearance and personality to the version of Enchantress from Suicide Squad. And that can be an issue to me as it makes
the film feel like a studio effort rather than a directorial one.
8. Wonder Woman (June 2)
It has
been almost 75 years, and NOW we’re getting a Wonder Woman movie. The good news is that Gal Gadot was pretty
good, even if I wasn’t initially impressed with her in the role, as Wonder
Woman while her Diana Prince was alright, so we know the superhero stuff will
rock. Also we have Patty Jenkins, the
director of Monster, directing this,
even if she hasn’t directed a theatrical movie since, and her last directing
job was the pilot for Betrayal (and
we know how that worked with George Lucas).
Plus the cast is great, with Chris Pine, Connie Nielsen, Robin Wright,
David Thewlis, and Danny Huston playing major roles here. And the plot does have an interesting idea of
having Princess Diana’s first exposure to the world outside Themyscira being
during World War I, and it does allow for an interesting concept of having a
morally righteous character in a morally grey world (even if Man of Steel tried that then forgot that
Superman was supposed to be completely good).
But if there’s a problem with this movie from the get go, the first part
involves the DCEU being less-than-stellar currently, and that Warner Bros seems
to be both trying to rush the franchise into Justice League and reactionary to the most basic of criticism
towards their films, especially the tone, even if it’s really the storytelling
and characterization that’s been bogging the movies down. While I am super-scared that Warner Bros will
screw this up and we end up calling Captain
Marvel the first “true” female-led superhero movie, I’m still very
interested in seeing this as the reasons for this existing will be more
historical and meaningful to the post-Iron
Man superhero movie landscape.
7. Valerian and the City of a Thousand
Planets (July 21)
Holy,
holy crap does this look like a fun little space opera. And it’s from the director of Leon The Professional,
The Fifth Element, and Lucy, Luc Besson?
And it’s visually and thematically different from every other major
blockbuster that’s out this summer OTHER than Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.
2? This seems like it’s not exactly
going to be the best movie other. But it
does have the possibility of being the most visually striking movie of the year
with a slightly more unique, almost animesque style to it. And it’s French too, so there’s a sense that
the international feel to it that will bring something interesting to the table
of the Summer Blockbuster scene this year.
In short, I will definitely give this a shot.
6. Alien: Covenant (May 19)
While Prometheus wasn’t the movie to set the
world on fire and get audiences interested in a new prequel series to the Alien franchise while being its own
thing, this film looks to remedy that.
With a great cast, a great concept of being a bridge between the
aforementioned film and the first Alien,
and Ridley Scott returning to truly helm something in the franchise that is
distinctively Alien, I am already on
board. Yes, I should be a little
cautious about this thanks to movies like Scott’s Exodus movie and Prometheus, but with his last movie
being The Martian, I really hope that
this movie is the movie to continue the Alien
franchise at its most primal: a space crew stumbling across the titular
creature (or Xenomorph for those who want true clarification) and slowly being
killed off one by one (like in a slasher movie) until the main female lead
gives it the coup de grace and kill it.
Plus I do think that it’s smart to incorporate the best aspects of Prometheus while completing the bridge
between it and the first Alien. However, on the other hand, I do feel that
it’s weird to give the Xenomorph a convoluted backstory when the mystery about
it alongside the basic aspects of its biology make it arguably more terrifying
than if we know more about where it comes from.
Making it a weapon of mass destruction may hinder its legacy, but this
has a lot of potential to rock.
5. Dunkirk (July 21)
Do I need
to say anything? This is Christopher
Nolan’s latest movie after Interstellar. And while seeing him go from sci-fi to war is
a weird choice, picking a battle that involves his native United Kingdom in a
difficult conflict during World War II might lead to one hell of a war
movie. Especially considering Nolan’s
old-school filmmaking style, from shooting on film to using primarily practical
effects, there’s a guarantee for probably the most gritty, realistic WWII movie
since Spielberg’s Saving Private Ryan,
even with most likely a PG-13 rating.
Even if I didn’t like Interstellar,
which had issues more around the plot than the science used and the way it was
filmed, even I admit I’m on board here.
4. Baby Driver (June 28)
So we got
an action comedy about a guy that drives for gangs, and it’s from the guy that
directed the Cornetto Trilogy and Scott
Pilgrim Vs. The World? I’m
definitely in. Hell, I’m sure I’m gonna
try to watch this before Despicable Me 3, even if most people pick that one.
3. Spider-Man: Homecoming (July 7)
Oh great,
another Spider-Man movie, what a joy.
Aside from the sarcasm, this is still an MCU movie (despite being
distributed and possibly marketed by Sony, which explains the spoilerific
trailer that came out recently), and their standards are to the point where a
“bad” movie by them can still get a Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes (unless
you’re Iron Fist). But where I’m excited for Spider-Man:
Homecoming, it’s not just the MCU factor.
It’s supposed to be a high school comedy-drama dealing with Peter
Parker’s social life and responsibilities as Spider-Man while gaining a
possible father figure in Tony Stark.
And the way Iron Man is being brought into this, as a supporting character
than the star, should allow for a captivating performance by Robert Downey Jr.,
while Tom Holland is shaping to be Tobey Maguire’s successor in playing the
perfect live-action Spider-Man, as his mannerisms, personality, and humor is on
point with how the character works, even as a high schooler. Plus Michael Keaton, the first true cinematic
Batman, is the Vulture here, and I’m sure he’s going to rock that character
into the MCU. So yeah, count me in.
2. War for the Planet of the Apes (July
14)
Apes! At war with jerkass humans! Possibly great movie! No seriously, while I haven’t seen the
original Planet of the Apes in its
entirety (I do know the twist, though), I feel that one of my favorite
franchises so far is the new Planet of
the Apes series, starting with Rise
of the Planet of the Apes. But why
I’m excited is because of Dawn of the
Planet of the Apes. That is quite
honestly one of the best sequels I have seen because it continues Caesar’s
story rather than rehash the first film.
And from what it looks like, this looks to follow suit with the battle
scenes from the last few films (like the Golden Gate bridge scene from Rise and the apes on horseback with
machine guns from Dawn) being
ratcheted up to 11, being full on human-ape war. And I’m excited because this really is the
end of a storyline for this series, and we are promised a big bang, with the
cast and crew returning for this massive finale. And yes, I do find it strange that I feel
something for a CGI character, and that has to do with the storytelling of this
series in general. And plus, it’s a
great way to understand how we went from this:
To a
future earth where Apes are like this:
And now,
here are the Honorable Mentions:
HM1: Baywatch (May 25)
Holy
crap, a Baywatch movie? And it has The Rock and Zac Efron? Hopefully, the movie has enough tits and ass
to make the price of admission worth it and the story is equally alluring. That and there’s a bunch of explosions going
around. Meanwhile, there’s also there’s
a bunch of jokes here, as well as a lot of weird parts here. Plus did we need to see Efron in drag in the
trailer? Overall, this looks like a fun
movie.
HM2: It Comes At Night (June 9)
What the
hell is that thing in the trailer?
Whatever it is, I am definitely interested in giving this a shot.
HM3: All Eyez on Me (June 16)
A movie
about Tupac? As a metalhead, I am
somehow more interested in this movie due to the subject matter, and the
possibility of, due to my interests in the world of cinema, gaining a greater
respect for the rapper/artist/activist.
Hopefully.
HM4: Atomic Blonde (July 28)
A wild,
sleazy action movie that feels like John Wick but with a girl in the lead. This should be an interesting ride.
HM5: The Dark Tower (August 4)
This
should be an interesting ride. Hopefully
we get a good Stephen King movie this time, and with Matthew McConaughey and
Idris Elba, you know I’m in.
1. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (May 5)
Are you
serious? You want me to explain why this
is on my list? Well, have you not seen
the first movie? Well, that, the fact
that it’s a direct continuation of the storylines from the first movie,
including Star Lord’s heritage, Gamora and Nebula’s relationship, and Groot,
now in baby form. The cast is also back,
the crew is back as well, the new characters, such as Mantis, are interesting,
and the new addictions to the cast, including Sylvester Stallone and Kurt
Russell do add a sense of credibility to it.
Plus the trailers are great. I
don’t need to know a lot about it to be excited for it, it’s that awesome.
Sorry for
how short this is, but this is one of those movies where the marketing and the
movie itself speaks for it more than myself, and enough has been revealed to
ensure that most of you is on board.
And in
order of how uninterested I’m in these movies, here’s my Least Exciting Movies:
10. Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie
(June 2)
Wait,
we’re NOW getting a Captain Underpants movie?
And it’s from DreamWorks? To a
certain degree, I get the sense that this movie will be a juvenile, cheesy, and
dumb movie with absurd plotlines. But
what I think made the book series so fun was that it was blatantly juvenile,
cheesy, and dumb, focusing on two fourth graders who somehow turn their
principal into a half-naked superhero.
And from the get-go, I do like that the art style is based on the art
style of the books but done in CGI, it looks to allow for some funny slapstick
humor, and while I’d prefer someone like John Goodman to play the titular
character, Ed Helms has both Mr. Krump and Captain Underpants down. Where I’m concerned is that they’re meshing
the first four books into a single narrative rather than doing it book-by-book
(which might lead to a better franchise), and that they clearly have two adults
playing George and Harold (don’t tell me Kevin Hart is a good choice because of
how high-pitched he sounds, it’s still Kevin Hart, and that drove me a little
nuts hearing him in The Secret Life of
Pets) rather than having kids play them or even Cree Summer and Tara Strong
(or any great or upcoming female voice actor or even male actor than can play a
little boy) play them respectively. I do
have some hope for it, but this isn’t the animated movie that’s coming out this
summer I’m excited for.
9. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (May
12)
This
looks a little interesting, and Charlie Hunnam needs something to ensure his
credibility. I’m not sure if it will be
this. But the idea of Guy Ritchie
directing a medieval fantasy film is interesting.
8. Amityville: The Awakening (June 30)
Not sure
about this one.
7. Pixar’s Cars 3 (June 16)
Do we
need another one of these? Not
really. Hopefully the plot makes things
more interesting and lead to an all-around good movie, and that we get less
Mater here.
6. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (May 19)
ANOTHER
ONE OF THESE?! At least the first sequel
outgrossed Sucker Punch when both
came out, and I know for sure one of them sucked. Why do we need this again?
5. The House (June 30)
A comedy
with Will Ferrell in it and he’s playing an idiot? Why does this sound like a generic Will
Ferrell comedy to me?
4. Annabelle: Creation (August 11)
I have
not seen The Conjuring, nor the spinoff this is a sequel/prequel to, so I have
no reason to see this.
3. The Emoji Movie (July 28)
So we
have a movie about emoji’s now. I’m
starting to think that Animat may not be alone on this one in how stupid this
is.
2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (May 26)
First, we
have some new directors (a Scandinavian duo here) helming this project,
hopefully breathing new life into this overlong, tired franchise (unlike
another movie coming out this year).
Plus the new characters have a shot of giving Captain Jack Sparrow
something to work off of, from Will Turner’s son to a female explorer
here. And having Javier Bardem, an actor
who’s probably one of the best villain actors today, playing the villain is
brilliant, even if the character may be not as dangerous or interesting as his
characters in No Country for Old Men and Skyfall.
We still
have Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow, and the trailers do hint that we’re getting
more of the same here, from his performance being a rehash of his performance
in the first film to his character having a major role in the plot, which,
again, is the case. And there’s also the
case where, like On Stranger Tides,
this movie will feel like a dull, tired, and unnecessary film in the series due
to going on plot points that we really did not need, like where Jack Sparrow
came from, what he’s doing after the pirate war, and so on. It’s as if the last “good” movie in the
franchise was At World’s End, and
that movie’s bloated nature was a major con, despite having enough interesting
plot points and expanding on what made Dead
Man’s Chest a surprisingly fun follow-up to the first film, which is
arguably one of the most important movies to have come out in the last
decade. And that’s mostly why I’m not as
interested in this movie. Sorry.
1. Transformers: The Last Knight (June 23)
It’s too
easy to know why I’m not as excited for this one, even if the action looks
outright awesome and the Optimus Prime twist lead to somewhere interesting. It’s because Hasbro has not figured out that
simply convincing Michael Bay to continue directing their big live-action robot
franchise, even if the writers are different here, is somehow not a way to cause
issues with their movie. While I can be
an optimist and hope for the best, even I admit that we’ve already been through
this song and dance before. What do I
mean?
Revenge of the Fallen. We get a trailer promising a darker,
grittier, and more intense movie after the jaw-dropping, action-packed, but
somehow disappointing first installment.
We think that this movie will do away with the lame humor and
nonsensical, and sometimes migraine-inducing action and replace it with
something more meaningful. We also think
that the robots will be the focus of the main movie, since we figured that it
was a good idea to have an E.T./Gremlins approach to introducing the Autobots
and Decepticons to a mainstream audience that may or may not have grown up with
the original 80s toyline, cartoon, and movie with a kickass hair metal
soundtrack. That the humans and their
plot will be in the background while the Autobot-Decepticon battle will be
developed more. The movie we got had
more lame humor (if not worse), the action was even more migraine-inducing, and
the plot made no sense (the WGA strike can be blamed for the last one). And we come out in rage, hoping that Michael
Bay gets booted, but he doesn’t. The
film was a hit and we’re getting another one.
Dark of the Moon. The trailers are amazing, and the reveal of
Leonard Nimoy being in the cast, returning to the franchise after the 1986
animated movie, gets us pumped. With his
involvement, we think that we’re finally getting a movie that focuses entirely,
if not mostly, on the transformers’ story and develops their war and
characters. The likelihood of bad humor
is probably going to not be as likely, and that the action will be better. And plus it won’t feel like 2 and a half
hours of nothing. What do we get? Most of the movie still involves the humans,
with the transformers still being side characters, again. The humor becomes unbearable, to the point
where, with the previous film making fun of African Americans, Asian Americans
are thrown under the bus with the worst Ken Jeong performance in a movie. The newcomers are wasted, and the climax,
which was promised to be awesome, is only great for having the best action
shots and visuals to that point while still being long enough to not cause
migraines, but to lull people to sleep (and does the destruction of Cybertron
look like the destruction of Vulcan from the Star Trek reboot to you?). And most of the transformers are killed off
in embarrassing ways, with it being clear that Michael Bay is repainting Optimus
Prime as a psycho.
Age of Extinction. Same old song and dance with the marketing,
despite having Mark Wahlberg replacing Shia Labeouf as the lead, promising us
something darker, more mature, and more plot-driven than the
non-sequiter-laden, filler-laden last three installments. And we have the Dinobots, a group of
characters that are definite fan favorites in the franchise while getting Frank
Welker to play Galvatron, the revived Megatron, after Hugo Weaving didn’t
answer the casting call. And the movie
looked to actually give the humans a meaningful way to tie into the story of
the transformers. And what did we
get? This movie BORED me. Somehow, the finale, despite being set in
Hong Kong and having some cool moments like the ship that causes weird things
with gravitation (though Man of Steel
did that) and the Dinobots themselves, was exhausting to watch, and the fact
that I gave as much of a crap to the characters as Goku would to anything other
than fighting really made things worse.
The villains were boring, and did we need Optimus Prime killing
Fraiser? Isn’t he supposed to be a hero
and not a psychopath? And if you’re
wondering, I gave ROTF and DOTM more credit than AOE. This was that bad, and its near-three hour
runtime not just felt like it, but lead to, again, MORE FILLER!
And now
we’re at The Last Knight, which is
being advertised the same way. I don’t
give a crap that Anthony Hopkins is in this.
I don’t give a crap that we might be getting Unicron, or hints to him,
here. I don’t give a crap if the new
main girl (who’s thankfully young enough to not be used for fan service like
the other female leads in the past) might be the best thing about this
movie. I really don’t give a crap if
Optimus Prime is evil this time. I’ve
been burned by this franchise enough to say ENOUGH! Unless you’re like a Marvel or indie movie, I
will not give you good word. But let’s
face it, we’re going to see it anyway because we’re too optimistic for it to
not be a jumbled mess. And because it’ll
be the only new release that week. If I
had a chance, I’d binge watch anime the day this comes out and/or just rewatch
and riff the first movie (either the 1986 animated one or the damn live-action
movie that started this damn franchise).
That or do something My Little Pony-related that day as well.
So that was my
countdowns for the movie’s I’m most and least excited for this summer. If you have any suggestions, feel free to
leave them in the comments below. If you
feel like I missed a movie or two, feel free to leave your opinions in the
comments below.
Also, make sure to
like my Facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/RockOtaku92/. Be
sure to follow me on Twitter here: https://twitter.com/RockOtaku92, my Instagram page is here: https://www.instagram.com/rockotaku92/, and my Tumblr is at this link: https://rockotaku92.tumblr.com/. That
and be sure to follow my blog. The way
to do so is to the right of this page.
Until next time, this
is The Rock Otaku. Love Loud and Play
Hard.
All used references
are done under the rules of fair use and are owned by their original
creators.
No comments:
Post a Comment