Tuesday, January 10, 2017

The Rock Otaku’s Rockin’ Billboard Chart Watch: The Top 10 Worst Hit Rock Songs of 2016

Hello degenerates, heathens, weirdos, and deviants.  I am the Rock Otaku, and I’m here to show you worlds such as hard rock, metal, punk, alternative rock, movies, TV, anime, video games, and anything that makes us scream, shout, and let it all out.

Welcome to my Rockin’ Billboard Chart Watch.  Here, I take a break from reviewing classic heavy metal albums, movies, TV, anime, games, and so on to review what is popular in the rock scene according to Billboard.  Back in the late 19th century, the magazine started as a news source for the entertainment industry back in the day (thus, circuses, fairs, and burlesque shows were covered), then, when music became a big business, it started covering music.  Then they started having an album chart, then a singles chart, in the mid-20th century, both of which are still going on to this very day, with changes to accommodate the changes in the landscape of music distribution.  But for the rock stuff, the first chart, which would be known today as the Mainstream Rock chart, debuted on March 21, 1981, with the Alternative Songs chart following suit in 1988, the Adult Alternative chart premiering some time in 2008, then the all-encompassing Hot Rock Songs chart came to fruition in 2009.  Here, I review them all, in order of either mainstream importance, date of creation, or which songs have the most material I can cover each week.

But this week, I plan on doing something special, and finally do something thoroughly negative: The Top 10 Worst Hit Rock Songs of 2016.  This is something I knew I would have to do once I started reviewing radio rock a few months ago, and as preparation, I’ve created a Spotify playlist of every song on the Year End entries of the Hot Rock Song, Rock Airplay, Rock Digital, Rock Streaming, Alternative Songs, Adult Alternative Songs, and Mainstream Rock Songs charts for 2016, with a focus on figuring out which songs I hate the most while giving praise, next week, to the song I adore.  For this week, due to time to prepare, there’s a sense of predictability to this list, but don’t worry, as some of these songs actually drove me mad when I had to hear them.

For last year, as you know, it was a massive crap pile that got bigger as the year went along.  For some of you, it was a tiny pile of cow pie, but for most of you, I’m sure, it was big enough to cover a small town.  Let’s just say that mine was pretty big, considering what I follow, what I’m interested in, what I believe in, and what I was going through this year.  So where this year was a disaster, it was a small beginning of this blog, and I’m sure this year will be the year where I get my true wings (which may be difficult if Trump starts acting like a Nazi). 

But for the rock scene, we may have lost some icons (hell, we lost Scott Weiland and Lemmy at the tail end of 2015), but we got a lot of great music.  The consensus appears to be that we had a great year for rock music in general, and while I may have bashed a few artists along the way, some of them grew on me.  Hell, we got a lot of great music throughout the year, including the latest from Metallica, Megadeth (if you’re comfortable with the thrash metal equivalent to Fox News), Anthrax, BabyMetal, and so on.  But for every 10 great songs, there probably had to be a turd big enough to remind us what year this was.  So for this blog, before we start discussing the best of 2016 and the music that may define the inaugural year of the Trump era, let’s talk about songs so bad (or so mediocre), I’m probably going to be a lot more nasty in my writing, especially towards the end.  To make sure that certain readers are not too offended, I do not plan on using the seven dirty words yet.  That will be for another time, probably when I start establishing my positive qualities over my negative ones, and, plus, it would have been too easy to use them here.  Any part-time filth, however, is more likely thanks to most of it being PG of PG-13 anyway.  Sorry for the long paragraph, but here we go.  Let’s start with…

10.       Heathens by twenty one pilots
I am going to get a lot of crap for this, especially from TOP fans, but I have to say it.  This song BORES me.  It’s as if, because they were writing a song for Suicide Squad, the band were not allowed to have any sort of fun with this recording.  While I’m not a TOP fan, they do have a basis in making fun rap rock that’s infused with an emo edge, specifically the growing pains of transitioning from adolescence to adulthood and the frustrations of being a young adult.  While this may make them unappealing to most, they have earned their fan base respectfully, and I can’t complain about their stuff (I might have a song by theirs mentioned on my best of list).  But for this song, thanks to Zach Snyder’s horrible influence, there is no sense of fun here.  It’s not that I want all my creepy rock songs for movies to be fun, but thanks to the misguided ad campaign for Suicide Squad with Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” and Sweet’s “Ballroom Blitz,” I would want fun in my comic book movie music. This is way too serious to be fun, and too creepy to be comforting (trust me, 2016 was that bad), and it did the bare minimum to be creepy and serious.  In short, it sounds creepy, and there’s a dark undercurrent, but with the lyrics being about, I don’t know, having heathens for friends, it’s as if the band is posturing to be aggressive, when their earlier songs were about being an emotionally disturbed but relatively normal young adult (for this day and age).  As a result, this song does not relate to me, it sounds way too forced to be aggressive, and the low-key approach to the song and the lame lyrics contribute to a pathetic mess.  This song can stay in Hot Topic for all I care, I’ll spin Crimson Glory’s “Lost Reflection” again (that is a truly disturbing track).

Also, I blame overplay on this rant.

9.         Unsteady by X Ambassadors
Of the “bad” songs, I really don’t think this is the worst song X Ambassadors has done, but it’s just not interesting enough to encourage me to give them the benefit of the doubt that these guys don’t suck.  They just don’t rock, and this song’s attempt at being sincere, and its massive success, really makes me question how labels are approaching rock music.  Not as a rage of emotions dealing with distrust of the status quo or the desire to live life like a maniac, but really sappy stuff that appeals to the same tweens that keep giving Justin Bieber the benefit of the doubt (even if he’s gotten better) and who gave Drake a career.  In short, this is so uninteresting and non-threatening that I don’t seem to find this song’s appeal.  With its limp production, pathetic mix of hip hop beats and lite rock drums, low bass sound, lack of guitars, and piano focus, I don’t consider this a true rock song.  Plus, there are ways for this combination to work, but X Ambassadors don’t know how to, and are more interested in being commercial and inoffensive, so there’s no bite to anything here.  A complete waste of time in my mind.

8.         Somebody’s Love by Passenger
Let’s get this out of the way.  I do not like “Let Her Go” by this artist.  I think it is absolute trash with little redeemable qualities, and it’s also one of the most demeaning songs I’ve ever heard.  But if there is a silver lining, this song isn’t as bad.  It’s as bland, surface-level inoffensive, and smug as the previous song, but if there’s a problem with this song, it’s the lyrics and their delivery like last time.  This time, it’s pretty clumsy about how this person needs love, like as if he has some sort of omnipotence in our lives.  1) that is creepy.  2) this makes him look like a massive, well, smug little brat.  It doesn’t help that this song’s about as interesting musically as Wonder Bread.  With its simple use of acoustic guitars and pathetically basic guitar solo, you can tell the musicianship is very mediocre and that Passenger is just here to impress the easily-impressed with his low-tier ability.  Plus his attitude is just as bad, saying his words as if they’re fact when they don’t work as matter-of-fact.  Overall, this song is trash, and I wonder what would happen if someone who knew better met Passenger?

My opinion on WGWAGs in gif format

7.         Sucker For Pain by Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa & Imagine Dragons With Logic & Ty Dolla $ign Feat. X Ambassadors
Another Suicide Squad soundtrack cut, this time with X Ambassadors being the ambassadors of intestinal fluid (there’s no way Imagine Dragons can be this bad)?  Yay.
This song is dull, dreary, and so weirdly chopped up that I feel that it’s trying to be as aggressive as possible.  But thanks to the influence of Drake, we end up with a mid-tempo, low-key hip hop song without the drive, muscle, and sick, twisted fun factor that this song desperately needed.  What I mean is that, GUESS HOW THE MOVIE WAS ADVERTISED?!  As a fun, Guardians of the Galaxy-esque romp with a band of criminals going nuts while trying to do the dirty work of Amanda Waller, and apparently The Joker is involved.  Essentially, the soundtrack should have reflected that rather than Hot Topic, which still has a stranglehold on the rock scene for some dumb reason when they have become the main fringe-geek store in the mall alongside a few others.  Unfortunately, this dreary track tries to take its messed up concept 100% seriously, and as a result, instead of this in music form:
We get:
Relevant humor.
While I don’t focus on hip hop, the fact that Imagine Dragons had to sell out to the suck-train known as Zack Snyder’s influence, we end up with one of many dreary, dull rap songs that were around this year on the rock charts, despite this being one of the more interesting ones.  Why is it bad then?  It’s because the low-beat is trying to make this song fit with that emo, Hot Topic atmosphere Warner Bros. is trying to push, and it doesn’t mesh well with the bravado the rappers are trying to bring to the table.  The chorus is pathetic and lame, a total bummer is considering that Imagine Dragons are one of the more anthemic bands to have come out of the indie scene.  Finally, the verses are so creepy, debauched, and disgusting that the bleakness enveloping them causes the fun factor, which could have saved this song, to be practically nonexistent.  Plus Lil Wayne is on here, and he’s as mediocre as usual (I don’t get his appeal outside of weed), and Wiz Khalifa tries to salvage his verse, but the “Black & Yellow”-esque moments take me out.  Hell, both rappers take me out of the seriousness that this song is trying to strut entirely.  Finally, one of the guys from X Ambassadors ends the song, a fitting way to close out mediocrity.  In a year where rap was not immune from the suck levels of the year, but reflected it perfectly, one of the better songs in the genre is still unable to rise above meh, and because of the list it was also on and what I cover, I have to dock it points by principle.  Seriously, this helped me have LESS interest in watching Suicide Squad, and I still haven’t seen it yet.  But at the same time, I think that the combination of Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, Drake’s influence, 2016, Zack Snyder, and ESPECIALLY X Ambassadors is a factor in me feeling that I didn’t miss out on it.

6.         Happy Song by Bring Me The Horizon
Jeez, and I thought Hot Topic-based metalcore was a thing of the past.  Now it’s playing with nu metal.  Essentially, this song is surprisingly bland for a song that should be about being happy.  Where this song falls flat is in how generic it is for its genre, with repetitive guitar lines, basic metal drumming, Oli Sykes’ pointless lyrics, and enough noise to scare off people but with nothing to bring people in.  This song is just noise for the sake of noise, and because I’m a metalhead with refined taste (aka. Anison, prog metal, power metal, and neo-classical metal), this does nothing for me.  I get the idea that this is about the need for a happy song, but it’s so bleak and emo that it fails its job at improving happiness in the depressed (at this point, if this makes you happy, then I’d recommend just saying something to your parents; you can’t do this alone).  It’s so punishingly bleak that it’s practically a nothing song, something that I feel is a problem with this song, and even this genre.  If you are depressed and you listen to metal, I’d recommend finding the latest Steel Panther album or even any 80s glam metal album to cheer you up with the lust for life those guys have; this is not a way of life to live.  Living for this crap will encourage more bland noise metal, and that’s NOT a good thing for us.

5.         Throne by Bring Me The Horizon
Wow, this is the lamest song I could hear from these guys.  With its electronic elements and catchy beats, it’s all undone by the crappy Hot Topic-level lyrics.  While bashing Hot Topic is something I don’t want to do, I also feel like it’s a perfect descriptor of the people that will enjoy this mess of a song.  Those same people tend to shop at Hot Topic, hence the crappy reputation of the outlet.  This is the kind of the music that appeals to a 13-year-old goth kid that tries to show how different they are by wearing Nightmare Before Christmas themed clothing.  That is not as rebellious as, well, breaking laws.  As a result, this “sounds” dangerous and like the manifesto of the outsiders, but it’s as commercial as the pop songs that the “cool” kids enjoy, just that it’s painted black.  I could go on about the attempts at being beautiful with the strings, or the pulsing beat being quite infectious, but the dramatic high-school lyrics are cheesy beyond belief, and the song’s attempts at being noisy hides what it really is: a commercial rock song that’s supposed to appeal to tween girls with a crush on Jared Leto.  This song is just pathetic.  Next.

4.         7 Years by Lukas Graham:
Now here’s a song that I’m sure that everyone will be surprised to make these charts.  Not to say that this painfully pathetic song is a qualified chart-topper, but seeing it on any of the “Rock” charts is a sign of just how bad things are for rock music in the mainstream.  Why, because this piece of crap made the year-end Adult Alternative chart.  Adult Alternative.  WHAT THE HELL?  This is a crappy song by a snot-nosed brat that brags about how hard he had it as a kid and sings about how he will be sixty.  Sixty!  And the lyrics detail how he did drugs and consumed alcohol as and ELEVEN YEAR OLD!  How stupid is this act to say that!  You’d be either dead or you’re trying to brag about something that never happened.  And the worst part?  Lead singer Lukas Forchhammer was a child actor in a series of films during this time.  In short, and I really hate to say this because I feel that music can make lies about a person’s life, but this guy is a phony:
When I have to reference Family Guy to reveal how bull you’re lyrical content is, that means you royally screwed up.  And the worst part is that this could have been avoided if the song was interesting, but the beat and the production is so unthreatening or interesting that the lyrics are more infuriating.  Yes, I’m sure that this is a similar viewpoint to Todd In The Shadows’ opinion, but the nice melody, and the fact that it’s the only thing trying to sound sincere, really hurts this song’s ability to make me feel anything but confounded rage.  Screw You, Lukas Graham, YOU CAN’T MANIPULATE ME WITH YOUR SOB STORIES!

Now I’m fully aware that this is Todd’s No. 1 Worst Pop Song of 2016.  As a result, I expect a lot of comparisons between me and him (when he’s older than me, has more views, and more dogs where he lives than I do).

3.         Wash It All Away by Five Finger Death Punch
You know, instrumentation-wise, this should be a clear winner.  It’s got the beat, the guitar riffs, the drums, the bass, and (possibly) the guitar solo to make for a winner.  But why am I like the chick with the blue hair here with this track:
Left: This song from the perspective of its attitude.  Right: Me.
Here’s Kuni to show what this song has to offer lyrically, and how it ultimately colors this song:
He’s referring to the band here, and it’s a massive shame that this is how far they’ve fallen.  It may be due to alcohol, drugs, loads of women, label interference (which I’m doubtful of due to them being technically indie), or Ivan Moody’s inability to ignore the tabloids or the news, but these lyrics are so damn stupid.  What the song is about is how messed up the world is and how angry Ivan is about it.  You know who feels that way and can possibly write a better song about it?  EVERYONE ELSE!  It’s as if something got into the band during their American Capitalist days and caused them to start writing the dumbest lyrics ever.  Even then, it completely takes the momentum the song originally had and grinds it to a halt.  Hell, I’m not sure if this is the result of the band realizing just how popular they are.  Instead of acting like a torch carrier, they act like spoiled celebrities who get offended about something and have to have something to say when they can say nothing about it and ignore it.  I feel that Ivan and the gang have become the new embodiment of what NOT to do in rock music after Nickelback practically disappeared due to bro country stealing their momentum and fan base (arguably for the better).  Yes, this is one of those songs that MAKES me wish for bands like Black Veil Brides to stay relevant, for Steel Panther to be more popular, for, I don’t know, Salems Lott to have their big break.  This is a disaster of a song, and it’s all Ivan’s fault.  Screw this song.

And no, I’m not a little peeved that I saw this band escort Dora Standpipe to the park.

2.         Bohemian Rhapsody by Panic! At The Disco
Before anyone gets their panties tied in a knot over the song chosen, let me remind you that I LOVE QUEEN!  Hell, while Bohemian Rhapsody isn’t my all-time personal favorite Queen song (my top 5 include “Stone Cold Crazy,” “We Are The Champions,” “Don’t Stop Me Now,” “Princes of the Universe,” and either “A Kind of Magic” or “Killer Queen”), I consider it to be one of the greatest songs ever written and composed, and trying to replicate it is a shear sign of failure.  However, there are covers like Jimi Hendrix’s version of “All Along the Watchtower,” Red Hot Chili Peppers’ version of “Higher Ground,” Van Halen’s version of “You Really Got Me,” and Johnny Cash’s version of “Hurt” that change’s the song’s composition and changes the perspective of the song to match the singer, and manages to be as iconic, if not more so, than the original version.

This isn’t like those.  It tries to be a straight cover of the original song, but it somehow fails.  Why?  Well, 1) redoing the original without doing anything new or exciting is not just a really bad idea, especially in music, but it’s incredibly pointless, as it will cause audiences to immediately compare your version with the original (but this is a skill that only works in Roller Coaster Tycoon).  2) It can also show your flaws as an artist when you just cannot replicate the original, which in this case is Brendon Urie channeling Freddie Mercury, when he has never shown the ability to match the legendary Queen frontman.  He’s not just inferior to Freddie in this version, but every attempt at either replicating or modernizing this classic comes off as a bad karaoke version of the original rather than a new song.  Yes, I know the modern elements tend to try to make the song more gothic to fit Suicide Squad’s Hot Topic approach to comic book superheroes, but it doesn’t work as the gothic elements of the original were subtle.  Here, they hit you like Harley Quinn’s hammer (Oh, I’m sorry, but I do not associate baseball bats with her) smashing your head in, and it’s about as fun as Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice.  It’s as if Brendon is not having any fun here, like the rest of the DCEU (a trend I hope ends by Wonder Woman).  This is pure Hot Topic-crowd pandering crap, and it’s fetid appearance is hurting our ability to make rock legitimate these days.  We should be expecting better out of this.

Before we get to the worst, here are the Dishonorable Mentions in order of suck:

DHM 1:           Here I Am by Asking Alexandria
I do not pay attention to this band enough to warrant rage, but this song is just bland.  Plus, I don’t get a lot of charisma out of the band nor the singer, so losing Danny Worsnop might have been a bad idea (though I’ve heard he’s back, so this song ends up more useless than irritating).

DHM 2:           Renegades by X Ambassadors
This song sounds alright.  It’s inoffensive, it’s nice sounding, and it’s got a decent beat.  The problem?  It’s just so bland that it feels like I’m listening to white noise.  Plus that it’s been used in car commercials and sounds like a song that sounds like it was written to be played in car commercials hurts the artistic credibility of this act.  Plus a song called “Renegades” that sounds this limp and, well, safe is an insult to true renegades.  This is not an anthem for the angry, dejected, frustrated, and the revolutionary.  This is for hipsters and pansy SJWs who don’t want their music to sound like song for the club, but find Poison offensive.  It’s just so chill and Ritalin-filled that I can’t believe that this is a rock song.  Outside of the issues of lack of rebellion and rule-breaking (unless is some no-guitar rule that I don’t know about), this is a song that’s made by an artist with the credibility of a McDonald’s.  If you seek true passion, this is a definite skip.

DHM 3:           My Nemesis by Five Finger Death Punch
Oh Mother Gothel’s awful parenting!  If there was something that I was dreading with this band, it’s putting every single that charted this year on here.  If there’s a massive problem with this band, their music has gotten slightly sloppier and more trying to sound badass rather than sounding badass.  Here, this beat is so sloppy and muscular that it’s laughable, the guitars are alright, but they aren’t very engaging or interesting.  They’re just there, and to me, that’s a cardinal sin.  Plus, the lyrics deal with the most stereotypically emo, “Woe is me” content that I’ve heard from this band.  The worst part, my brother listens to this band to get pumped up for football when there are other, better bands that do the job in a more satisfying way.  Not to diss him, but this was written in hopes that you understand that a band that you listen to, or any artist you listen to, is capable of making crap.  It’s understandable if you like them still for their past achievements, which is something I’m even guilty of, especially with a lot of classic rock bands, but I just admitted that I do this.  It’s okay if you, the reader, likes an artist, even these morons, for their past but hate their present, but you have to know that there’s more music out there, and you can’t get stuck in the past.  It’s one way of losing multiple opportunities to grow and mature, unlike this platinum-selling band.

Note, this is coming from a blogger whose work includes gushing over older albums by legendary metal bands and being cynical about newer rock, which is something I hope to negate next week.  Plus there’s my crush on Dora Standpipe.  Dear, rich Dora Standpipe, HOW I LOVE HER…

…Father’s money.

Next is another heartbreaking metal song from last year.

DHM 4:           I Don’t Care Anymore by HellYeah
Hey Vinnie Paul.  I have something to say:

If you were expecting “It’s better to burn out than fade away.”  Then you are being too nice.  I mean, you’re a nice guy, and one hell of a drummer.  What I’m trying to say is that, despite you not being Neil Peart of Mike Portnoy, you are a legend in the metal scene.  You may not see it that way, and your recent project is a lighthearted attempt at trying to continue with the grief of losing your younger brother (who was a great guitarist in my mind by playing and feel alone) is honorable, but I think you’re getting too old for posturing as a wild renegade.  From what I’ve heard, you have a successful business on the side, and you’re great at organizing bands, but I think that you and Chad, Tom, Kyle, and Christian should go back to what you excelled at, playing lighthearted, but pulse-pounding groove metal about having a good time, getting blitzed, and being with your bros, not trying to be dark, edgy, hardcore, or covering a Phil Collins song that was already pretty aggressive (considering that this was the man who wrote the songs for Disney’s Tarzan).  But if I have to give you some credit, your attempt at using archived recording of Dimebag’s guitarwork for this song was alright, but it didn’t add anything to the track outside of bragging rights.  You know who else did this?  Nickelback for “Side of a Bullet”, and nobody praises the guitar part there because no one wants to praise a Nickelback song.  Plus, your new band is not very consistent in quality, and this doesn’t help your case here.  In short, this is a massive disappointment, and it’s on my list.  While I hope the Zoidberg quote doesn’t offend you, it’s a reminder of how you’ve fallen as a metal icon.  Good luck to you on any future endeavors.

DHM 5:           Take It All Back by Judah & The Lion
I’m sure that I’ll regret this, but considering the tides of change, my music tastes, and how I feel about certain trends, not putting this song here would have eaten my soul.  And sanity.  Because thanks to Jason Aldeen, Justin Moore, and especially Luke Bryan, I want to do this to every banjo in existence:
And the gall for the indie folk band to use one (an indie folk band without a banjo player would be off anyway, so there’s a reason why I have a hard time getting into the genre) and GLOAT about it is enough to drive me into supporting a mix of metal guitars, orchestras, and electronica (with double-kick drumming to keep the speed going while an operatic tenor and soprano duet about dragon slaying, epic battles, and giant robots decking aliens in the schnoz).  This song’s issue is just how bragging about how great the simple life was, and while that’s a great sentiment, it’s not a way to live by.  The production, also, is so plastic that it’s actually hard to consider this authentic when it sounds like it’s trying to channel the whitest rap out there (even worse when they mention the beat).  Overall, this is a painfully ego trip of a song that’s trying to be about something sincere, but the gloating, the ego, and the fact that it’s referencing its use of banjos, mandolins, and hip hop beats is enough to punch these guys in the face.  This is the indie folk equivalent to bad Christian rock, brag rap, bro country, or whatever “I’m better than you” pop song Meghan Trainor decided to write this time.  The worst part is that their name sounds awesome.  You have a band with a Biblical-sounding name that could lead to some classically epic imagery, and this is your song?  Such a waste of potential.

DHM 6: Let Her Go by Passenger

WHY IS THIS TURD OF A TRACK STILL ON THE CHARTS!  If it wasn’t for the fact that this is technically an oldie, this would have been higher than Somebody’s Love.

Now for the top spot, which can’t possibly be a dumpster fire of a song:

1.         I Apologize by Five Finger Death Punch
After hearing this fetid excuse for a radio rock ballad the first time, I figured that this might have been the song to be number 1.  Why?  THIS SONG IS GARBAGE!  This is the kind of music that Nickelback used to dump on us in the last decade.  Wow, I thought I’d never would have had to deal with this kind of garbage again when I decided to do this.  This band of self-obsessed muscle heads have did enough damage to rock and metal with their crap, and this where they probably gave the least amount of care to the point where they thought it would be cute if they called it “I Apologize.”  It isn’t.  It’s lame.  The guitars, the drums, the vocals, everything.  It’s all so bland that I’m starting to feel that we now have the band that’s to Pantera that Nickelback was to Nirvana!  The ballad structure is unoriginal and completely predictable, and even the guitar solo is lame.  THE GUITAR SOLO!  That’s a guarantee that you’d sell me your song, but it’s lame here.  These TMZ-obsessed jackasses managed to screw up at a spot where I would have forgiven them.  But they didn’t.  As a result, these dumb, drug and STD-riddled, creatively bankrupt hacks have proven that not just their best days are behind them (I’m speaking of 2009), but that “Jekyll & Hyde” wasn’t a fluke in suck levels, it was the base.  Confound this song, and confound this band.  Oh how I hate them!  I hate Ivan!  I hate Zoltan!  I hate Jason!  I hate Jeremy!  And I hate whoever’s their bassist!  THEY DRIVE ME TO DRINK!

Confound them!  *hic*

And ladies and gentlemen.  This is why I want more rock and metal bands to have members with a girly side.  I may sound weird here, but we really need more women in the metal scene, I’m serious.  I can even take more crossdressers.  The only way in my mind that we’re able to get this fetid drek off the radio is to try to get a more feminine viewpoint (as I’ve discussed, it worked for Accept).  This masculine emo crap has gone for long enough, and it’s more than past stale.  It’s a reminder of not just how bad the nu metal scene was, but how it made us look like a bunch of dimwitted, sexist, backwards-thinking, racist, uneducated morons that would go nowhere in life.  This is why I love garage rock, j-pop, power metal, prog metal, retro rock, metal, and thrash, punk rock, and so on.  We need to leave this disgusting, pulsating, vile bat guano in the past where it belongs.  I may sound like an SJW when all signs point to me being not among their annoying ranks, but until rock can grow past the angry white boy crap, I might become one.  I love these styles of music too much to see it go the way to rap and country, and become complete jokes that require maintaining toxic stereotypes for success.  We may have had a better year than those two genres, but we need to maintain that, and that involves shunning Five Finger Death Punch and their ilk.

But that doesn’t mean you should hate sleazy rock and metal as some of the best bands of all time loved girls, beer, bad drugs, and wild parties.  It means expecting better out of our smut, such as better creativity, more color rather than white (like pink or even brown and black), less vanity, and possibly some cues from burlesque theater, adult comics that aren’t written by Rob Liefeld, gender bender art, or even mythology (trust me, the amount of smut in Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Norse, Eastern, and even Arabic and Persian mythology can allow for some crazy songs).  I want improvement and exploration in my dirty rock, not just being dirty for the sake of dirty without a classic basis or sense of humor.

Sorry for the long statement on mainstream rock and metal, but this song was so bad and, more importantly, so bland that I had to make this longer than I should.  It shows how much of a damn I give versus this terrible band.  In conclusion, I consider Five Finger Death Punch’s “I Apologize” to be the worst song of 2016.

Phew, that was a doozy, and I managed to let off some steam there.  It’s great to vent sometimes about things you don’t like.  That way, it makes the stuff you like much more meaningful, especially when it’s in contrast with what you hate.

So those were my least favorite songs from the year end charts.  Feel free in the comments if you think that certain other songs were worse.  If you feel that I may have bagged on the wrong songs, let it be known that I may not find this list to represent my thoughts in the near future.  This represented them now.  Hopefully, I’ll ensure that the best of list better emphasizes one of 2016’s brighter points: the rock underground (or whatever Billboard could get from it).  Plus, I want to know what your worst songs of 2016 were in rock music.  It doesn’t have to be on the charts.

Until Next Time, this is the Rock Otaku.  Live Loud, Play Hard, and Let’s Hope 2017 Doesn’t Suck.

Next week: The Top 10 Best Hit Rock Songs of 2016 (I may need a bigger list for that one).

All used references are done under the rules of fair use and are owned by their original creators. 

No comments:

Post a Comment