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| To be changed soon, preferably 2018. |
Hello degenerates,
heathens, weirdos, and deviants. I am the Rock Otaku, and I’m here to
show you worlds such as hard rock, metal, punk, alternative rock, movies, TV,
anime, video games, and anything that makes us scream, shout, and let it all
out.
As some of you may
have noticed, I tend to have that opening slogan in my blogs when I do
something big or based on a series, but I seem to only discuss the first two
(and three after that when the opportunity arises) in my blog overall. As for the others, they end up serving as
times to make references or jokes in my main series. And this is the main reason why I am now
going to try to fit in more anime reviews, news, and countdowns into my blog.
You know what, I’ll
use the extra week I’ve added to my time to make my LET THEM EAT METAL series
bi-weekly to create a series of countdowns.
And they don’t have to be just about anime. I can use this to mention movies, TV shows, episodes
of shows, news, games, and even other musical artists I want to talk about but
aren’t able to usually thanks to my current load. But today, we’re talking Disney World.
For today, I’ve
decided to discuss something that both pains me to consider but is something I
must think about to ensure that I’m able to embrace the future when it washes
away the past. Specifically, I’ve been
tormented by this thought. On the one
hand, it’s something that I hold dear and would have issues with if it changed
drastically. On the other hand, I know
that when it’s supposed to be time for change, keeping it the same would cause
feelings of despair knowing why it must be this way. Of course, I talk about the Rock N’ Roller
Coaster starring Aerosmith at Disney’s Hollywood Studios.
For a brief history
point, the ride is a Vekoma-made LSM coaster with a top speed of 57 mph, an
acceleration to that which takes 2.8 seconds (it is a launched coaster), 3
inversions, including a sea serpent (a two-inversion element where riders go up
a half-loop into a full corkscrew before going down another half-loop, it’s
similar to a cobra roll), and a corkscrew, max G-forces of 5, a length of 3,403
ft, and 5 trains, each with 6 cars that have two rows that seat two people for
a total of 24 riders per train. It’s
indoors. It’s themed to traveling
through the streets of L.A. to get to a concert by hard rock icons Aerosmith in
a stretch limo (or a super-stretch to be exact) supplied to fans of the band by
management, and the non-looping roads are completely jammed. Of course, the setting is at the fictional
G-Force Records, and Aerosmith was recording and mixing an album (or remixing Toys in the Attic for the umpteenth
time) before their manager has them going to the Forum for a show. However, the show starts before you get
there, so thanks to a classic rock station broadcasting live from the show
literally, you get to hear a few songs from the set before you get there. And the songs, depending on the vehicle,
include “Nine Lives” from Nine Lives
(a.k.a. the opening song to Dead or Alive 3), “Sweet Emotion” and “Walk This
Way” from Toys in the Attic, “Back In
The Saddle” from Rocks, “Dude (Looks
Like A Lady)” from Permanent Vacation,
and “Young Lust,” “F.I.N.E.,” and “Love In An Elevator” from Pump.
After you disembark, you get a glimpse of the show, your ride photos,
and some of backstage before you go into the gift shop. And before I end this spiel, the ride opened
in late July of 1999.
As for my thoughts, I
love this ride. As far as coasters go,
this is probably the one that led to me becoming a hardcore roller coaster
fanboy. Before this, I was scared of
roller coasters that went through loops (non-inverting coasters, I was fine
with), and it was a focus on the speed and music (and not given the option of
the chicken exit) that led me to do this.
After that, it’s like intercourse, my looping coaster cherry was popped,
and I flirted with everything from stand-up coasters, inverted coasters, floorless
coasters, and flying coasters ever since.
Also spawned from this unholy mix of Disney magic and rock hedonism was
my love for the band Aerosmith and my first steps into becoming the metalhead I
am today. After that, I’ve started
listening to more classic rock, hard rock, 80s rock, and anything with
screaming guitars before my tastes settled in for songs that are fun and
sleazy, dirty and rotten, hard and heavy, and outright loaded with awesome
instrumentation. I’ve even seen
Aerosmith live on the Rockin’ The Joint tour with Lenny Kravitz (and I still
own a t-shirt from that tour). In short,
Aerosmith are arguably my favorite rock band of all time, and a massive part of
my nostalgia. And it pains me to say this,
but as an Aerosmith fan, I feel that their time in Disney World is running low.
Very low. With their current touring ailments, the
sudden push from Steven Tyler to have a solo career and Joe Perry having other
projects, their collective age, and the fact that they are starting to wind
down on the concert circuit (link here: http://ultimateclassicrock.com/aerosmith-farewell-tour-dates/)
due to that as well as the drugs and STDs that have taken a toll on their
bodies, it’s going to look like the ride will be in bad taste in the near
future. As I’ve stated, the story in the
ride is about getting to an Aerosmith concert.
It’s rather easy to notice, but the ride’s longevity is already not
shortened by the ride technology, but the fact that the ride is about something
that’s about to become nonexistent. Plus
even I noticed that this ride’s choice of artist, in a time period when various
rock acts were being pushed in mainstream acceptance from pop punk,
post-grunge, nu metal, hair metal revival, garage rock revival, and other
late-90s rock genres that have been hitting big, feels more like an
advertisement than a work of art. In
that time, Aerosmith did that soft ballad for their big hit Armageddon (and arguably, this move
that’s possibly by Michael Eisner is probably one of the only GOOD things
Michael Bay has contributed to American culture that isn’t The Rock), “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing.” Yeah, when you figure it out, this is clearly
a commercial for Aerosmith’s big single, then released album Nine Lives (which is why the title track
is in the ride), and later album Just
Push Play, their least acclaimed albums.
As a result, that specter of 1999 Disney and Aerosmith is enough to turn
a still awesome thrill ride into an unfunny joke once the realization that this
was still part of the era when Eisner went crazy. And we need a new theme for it.
As a result, I came up
with definitely a lot, but I’ve picked out the 11 that I think would allow for
even better ideas for this amazing coaster.
Why 11?
Nigel, I wasn’t asking
you, and that’s in reference to your Marshall amps. Anyone else?
Anybody? Screw it, I just like
going one step beyond from time to time.
I hope you enjoy.
11. Guardians of the Galaxy
If
there’s an issue with this theme, it’s A) too obvious and B) excessive
considering that Disney’s Hollywood Studios has Star Wars Land down the
pipeline. It isn’t a great idea to have
two space operas under Disney’s wing, despite major differences, competing for
long lines and Fastpass use. But I do
see the potential, as one great idea would be to take the story of the GOTG
overlay that’s happening to California’s version of The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror and use that plot. But instead of a lift system, Rocket Raccoon
is having riders help the rest of the team, Star Lord, Drax the Destroyer,
Gamora, and Groot (plus Yondu, Nebula, and Mantis if they decide to incorporate
elements of Volume 2) escape through “stretch Knowhere passenger ships” out of
The Collector’s mansion and through Knowhere, dealing with rogue Ravagers,
excavation craft, and various ner-do-wells out to attack you and the
Guardians. And yes, Star Lord’s Awesome
Mix’s would serve as the soundtrack for your escape. Plus I’m sure that Some Jerk with a Camera and
Joe Rhode would have come up with this idea for this kind of overlay before me.
10. Zootopia
9. Gravity Falls
And yes,
it would be fun and inventive for the Imagineers, and would show how nerdy the
group is, to do practically this. Plus,
it would allow for some cool visuals during the ride. Rather than that, I’m not sure what I could
bring to the ride using this theme, and I will expect crucifixion threats and
angry mobs for the next month or two.
8. Star Vs. The Forces of Evil
7. Fullmetal Alchemist
I’ve
never said anything about not using themes not owned by Disney. Plus I’m sure that Universal doesn’t have
anything to do with this property also.
Ladies
and Gentlemen, a reason to get Vic Mignogna and Travis Willingham to provide
some of their most iconic vocal performances in Disney World. I mean, Ed and Roy are two of the most
engaging, iconic, and likeable anime characters of the past decade, and a ride
dedicated to Hiromu Arakawa’s iconic manga would be sweet. For the ride itself, you can still have limo
trains as the nation of Amestris has cars in it alongside other forms of 20th
century technology. As for the sound
effects, there are many great musical cues, themes, and moments that the
Imagineers can put into the ride.
Seriously, every single opening song from the original anime (which
deviates from the manga in the second half) would fit great here, and the
themes from Brotherhood would sound amazing on a roller coaster (considering
that they’re…
…emotional
roller coaster rides). Plus, with the
use of Alchemy by several characters and other cool powers presented from the
Homunculi, you can have a lot of things going on in the main ride building.
For a
likely story, my idea would be that guests are chosen to join the military
and/or apply for positions as State Alchemist (with the latter involving a test
that serves as the ride). After you go
through the queue into the main building, you get a spiel on Amestris, the
State Alchemists, alchemy, the people you’ll work with (which includes Edward
and Alphonse Elric, Colonel Roy Mustang, Lieutenant Risa Hawkeye, Major Alex
Armstrong and his sister Olivier, Jean Havok, Maes Hughes, King Bradley, and
others) while you wait for your exam.
Then you get a briefing from Roy (with the Elric brothers getting in the
way by accident) which goes into detail about your special exam before
revealing that you’ll embark on a mission where you are trying to prevent the
Homunculi Lust, Wrath, and Envy from obtaining a possible philosophers
stone. In this case, they are aided by
Gluttony, Sloth and Greed (the first or second depending on if Hughes is in
this ride) while the riders also have to deal with Scar, who’s being chased by
the Elrics due to his connections with Winry Rockbell. As a result, after boarding military
vehicles, Kimblee shows up and riders have to evade him via a 0-57 mph launch
right into the ongoing fight, where riders will twist and turn, evading various
alchemic attacks and the powers of the Homunculi, with the climax being Ed and
Roy, with maybe some help from Scar, subduing them with their combined
alchemy. And you can have Hohenheim show
up at the end in a touching moment for Ed and Al remembering Trisha Elric,
because Disney loves showcasing families together. And yes, Winry would have a major part
here. The disembark would also reveal
that certain riders, based on a pre-ride questionnaire and the rider’s age,
will be advancing to immediate alchemy exams, where they will use their
knowledge of alchemy, or be helped by cast members, to create something out of
nothing before being given a title by King Bradley, Roy, or even Mickey Mouse,
depending on the time of day and whether the ride features Wrath’s death,
matching their personality or skills as one.
Plus you get a special watch that can be a souvenir or a cosplay item
that signifies your status as a State Alchemist of both Amestris and Disney
World itself.
6. Spaceballs
You’re
probably thinking this. Why? Well, because this is my list, these are my
preferred choices, and who wouldn’t like to have a Spaceballs ride now that Disney is going overboard with Star Wars in Hollywood Studios (and
Disneyland to a certain degree). Yes,
this would fit better at Universal, but I feel that Disney missed out on not
incorporating the comedy of Mel Brooks into their old-Hollywood-themed park,
and I feel that this is the best property to make up for this. Why?
Because this is arguably Mel Brooks’ most iconic property (outside of Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein, and
The Producers). There’s also the Star Wars spoofing of the movie, which can show that Disney can make
fun of themselves and their corporate culture.
When the comedy’s most clever gag is the in-movie merchandising and
subversions of characters like Luke Skywalker AND Han Solo into a single
character (Lone Starr), Princess Leia as a spoiled brat (Vespa), Chewbacca with
a love for Bon Jovi (Barf), Emperor Palpatine as an inept American President
(Scroob), Darth Vader as a nerd (Dark Helmet), Piet, Veers, or even Tarkin as
the only sane man (Colonel Sandurz), Yoda as a Jewish salesman (Yogurt), and
C3PO as a woman (Dot Matrix), and Stormtroopers with the intelligence of
Natsuru Seno (Spaceballs in general).
As for
that merchandising gag, that would go into the ride, with it being renamed to Spaceballs: The Roller Coaster, with all
Spaceballs merchandising and souvenirs being within the ride’s story. As in, the ride exists in the universe of the
movie, you are entering said universe literally (as a film shooting for Spaceballs 4: The Animesque Kickstarter for
Spaceballs 3: The Search for Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money,
directed by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg with involvement from Brooksfilms),
with the setting being a spoof of Disneyland (as Scroobland) within Spaceball
Four (that ship is too big, if it was complety recreated, the park would go overbudget),
and you are in line for Spaceballs: The Ride, a roller coaster that spoofs the
French version of Space Mountain, and instead of a space motif for the ride
building, the ride building would be the interior of the ship, as the ride
comes across Princess Arrow (a mixed spoof of Rey and Mai Natsume from BlazBlue played by Chloe Grace Moretz)
the daughter of Prince Lone Starr and Princess Vespa battling the apprentice
(or fanboy/girl) of Dark Helmet, Dark Cosplay (who’s Kylo Ren if he cosplayed
as an anime villain), then setting the self-destruct on the ship (which, in a
parody of sequelitis, is obvious like on Spaceball One, Two, and Three, and you
blast in your stretch limo starship (which is a tribute to the Eagle 5, which
is a Winnebago as a starship) through the rest of the ship out of the park,
with the Spaceballs theme song by The Spinners (and possible rock/metal, rap, classical and
electronica versions) playing as you witness the crew abandon ship with
President Scroob IV (turning Snoke into a stoner played by Seth Rogen), General
Tsou (a General Hux spoof taking a stab at forced-inclusion in mainstream genre
media played by Ken Watanabe), and Dark Cosplay (the aforementioned Kylo Ren
spoof played by Michael Cera and/or Emma Stone) being stuck when it blows (and
sent to a planet protected by superheroes, much to the dismay of “the
Revengers”) while riders blast into hyperspace (with some joke about ludicrous
speed before you go light speed). As for
the parody names and ideas, yes, this would make fun of The Force Awakens and the Sequel Trilogy, as well as Rogue One and the Han Solo spinoff, but
it would be Disney making them (or me coming up with them and getting
uncredited for it) with Brooksfilms, and being a massive spoof of fan fiction
as well, with its absurd scenarios, character origins, and always rehashing
better stories. But with jokes of the
Sequel Trilogy being official fan fiction might be in favor of the jokes (and
better than what Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer would come up with). And it being a roller coaster might also add
to the satire of movie merchandising, taking it to the logical extreme.
The next five are
based around properties to the point where you can keep the name Rock N’ Roller
Coaster. You’ll thank me later.
5. A Test Track-style overhaul.
This is
for if they have no plans of having a band be the main band, instead being a
celebration of music. 1) That would mean
that, despite being older, this would be considered a Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit
knockoff, and 2) that would mean a lot more genres and a redo of the train
system. But I say Test Track because
based on the current trains, I don’t think that the restraints would allow for
a screen to choose the song. Instead,
the song is chosen in the old pre-show building, with monitors beforehand
telling riders that they are in control of the songs they get to hear. Plus this can allow for a new lightshow within
the ride building, creating the feeling of being at a concert, with the choices
of what riders visualize when hearing music being compiled by the train then
brought to life through lasers, projections, props, smoke effects, screens
inside, and even within the trains. And
yes, this could allow for a diverse, expansive soundtrack ranging from rock,
pop, hip hop, country, electronic, r&b, disco, metal, punk, indie,
classical, jazz, blues, and other genres, all with expertly mixed songs to fit
the experience. But if that’s not
enough, the projections can include everything from Disney movies, TV shows,
music videos of represented songs, various little animations, and even anime
and video game footage that Disney can license, causing the ride to double as a
ride-through version of an AMV. This
would be probably be one of the more expensive and more abstract ideas I have,
but I’ll be damned if this isn’t a good idea for the ride.
4. Rock Band/Guitar Hero
See the
Test Track inspired renovation above, except with the ability to play guitar,
bass, drums, and sing the songs from the ride in a recreation of the feeling of
being on stage, with the ride being your shuttle to your concert. And yes, songs from the games will be used,
with the songs being the performances that are made by the people before you.
3. A new story involving Aerosmith’s music that
doesn’t include them in concert.
So this
would be the easiest one to keep the name Rock
N’ Roller Coaster starring Aerosmith.
Why, because this would be more like a change to something closer in
spirit to what the Paris version is, despite the idea that the coaster will not
feature a filmed encounter with Aerosmith.
However, I could easily see the idea gestating into something in the
form of the following:
- A mysterious force attacks Earth, and the music of Aerosmith is the only thing that can stop it. Sure, it would pretty much be a launched roller coaster version to the climax of Mars Attacks! or Star Trek Beyond, but it would lead to a very fun experience where the coaster is evading whatever is attacking Los Angeles, and you get to see stuff blowing up with the power of rock.
- A nefarious nemesis to a hero has taken over the city and banned rock music to ensure him having control with an iron fist. To stop him, you use the music of Aerosmith to get his attention, ensure a successful revolution, and end his reign once and for all. It’s cheesy and generic, but it gets the job done, could lead to a movie, and allows for more characters in the park.
- A new form of transportation technology has been developed, and that it can only work on stretch limos for now. Essentially, the limo train is being used for a field test to take riders from one side of the globe (or the city of L.A.) to the other through a launch into a portal that opens in front, leads to a mysterious dimension that can be a nice drive or a wild roller coaster style trip, and the music of Aerosmith triggers the latter. Three guesses on how this can apply to the current ride.
- The limo trains are time machines that take riders to the 70s to see Aerosmith in their prime (played either by the band members or actors with effects to make them look like the band in the 70s). Yes the experience is very similar in concept to Back to the Future, but after the opening of The Simpsons Ride, we BTTF fans need something along those lines in Orlando. And imagine it being tied into something timeless rather than forgotten *cough*Dinosaur*cough*despite the ride system*cough*.
- Or they just rehash the Paris storyline of making a music video.
From all
of these ideas, there are ways to keep the music and iconography of Aerosmith
and not feel dated at all.
2. A different hard rock act, hopefully a more
recent act like Volbeat, The Pretty Reckless, Shinedown, Avenged Sevenfold,
Breaking Benjamin, Pop Evil, or Alter Bridge.
But if
Disney thinks the appeal of the ride is blazing through Hollywood to see a
major rock band play loud stadiums, and the choice of Aerosmith dictates a hard
rock act, then there are many to choose from.
Yes, that would mean that the Forum would be replaced with the Whiskey A
Go-Go or the Viper Room, but that would also play more into the rock culture of
Los Angeles and be a celebration of that than a glitzy, celebrity-focused
cheese fest. And as I’ve mentioned,
there are many hard rock and heavy metal bands who are around today, have a
similar musical focus as Aerosmith when the famous band were both at their
creative best and at their most commercial, and would be more than excited to
be chosen for a Disney attraction over 5 Seconds of Summer. Think about it. Volbeat, The Pretty Reckless, Disturbed,
Ghost, Shinedown, Red Sun Rising, Avenged Sevenfold, Metallica to a certain
degree, Alter Bridge, Highly Suspect, Bullet for my Valentine, Seether, Rev
Theory, Beartooth, Adelitas Way, Starset, Skillet to a certain degree,
Chevelle, Korn, Breaking Benjamin, A Day To Remember, Green Day, Pop Evil,
Devour the Day, Sixx: A.M., Sick Puppies, Avatar (the band, not the damn movie
because that’s at Animal Kingdom), Bring Me The Horizon, and so on would fit
the theme of the ride surprisingly well, both in sonic attitude and intensity
as well as being the soundtrack to a high-speed right through the grungy
underbelly of Hollywood, where glam metal, punk rock, hard rock, and
alternative rock thrive in the City of Angels.
But that’s my opinion.
Before I explain
Number 1, here are some honorable mentions:
HM1: Doctor Strange
Now for
things to get really trippy. While the
whole Marvel-Universal deal will be a bind for Disney to use certain Marvel
properties in their parks, especially the legendary characters and A-listers,
there are characters like Doctor Strange that have been used in the parks
recently. For a ride based on the
Sorcerer Supreme, the attraction could be an exploration of the various
dimensions found in the comics and especially the movie from last year (the one
that got less Oscars than Suicide Squad), with the launch taking riders through
a sling ring to Kamar-Taj or even New York (all from Los Angeles). After the main launch, riders travel through
mind-bending environments including the Mirror Dimension, before a dark
sorcerer takes riders and Stephen Strange to the Dark Dimension for a near-miss
encounter with Dormammu in all his evil glory.
And yes, the soundtrack would probably be the score by Michael Giacchino
from the film, a rock remix of the score, or 60s and 70s progressive,
psychedelic, acid, symphonic, and heavy rock to match the surreal imagery your
magic-infused trains travel through.
HM2: Big Hero 6
But
enough with the aspects of Marvel that Disney may have difficulty using thanks
to Universal. Let’s try the version of
Marvel they devised. For Big Hero 6, the
ride’s theme would take riders to a Japanese-infused version of Los Angeles to
match San Fransokyo from the movie version (possibly Los Angyoto, a portmanteau
of Lost Angeles and Kyoto) where the characters are going to. Then an evil force attacks the city, the
gang, Hiro, Baymax, Go Go, Honey, Wasabi, and Fred, all don their identities as
the science-enabled superhero team, the Big Hero 6, and take it on while you,
the riders are trying to escape or survive the carnage resulting from the
fight. In this scenario, you’d have
state-of-the-art audio-animatronics, lots of speed, intricate set design within
the ride building, a Technical College makeover to the record studio façade,
and probably the music of Fall Out Boy (or even heroic anime themes) blaring
during the ride. There is a lot to play
around with here, and I wouldn’t mind seeing this movie get a ride.
HM3: Wreck-It Ralph
Now
here’s a Disney movie that NEEDS an attraction, despite the characters
involved. For Wreck-It Ralph, you could
easily set the ride in an arcade, and then, through the internet, Tron-style,
you enter the world of the characters (or G-Force Records becomes a façade from
a game. As for the ride, you could easily
make it a recreation of Hero’s Duty, Sugar Rush, or whatever Rich Moore has in
mind for representing the internet as a whole in the sequel, with Ralph and the
gang joining along as riders deal with a scenario of one of the game villains
or heroes (preferably M. Bison to reference that joke in a Street Fighter
sketch from Robot Chicken, the one where Ryu has made a packet for the
tournament and everyone having issues with it), accidently “goes Turbo” and our
heroes, Ralph, Felix, Calhoun, and Vanellope, have to get him or her back in
her own game (which is represented at the final brake run). But despite that observation in the
parenthesis, I’d like to see the Imagineers try to have it so that ANY famous
video game character “goes Turbo” and program the ride so that it’s completely
random, so ride cycles would involve catching Ryu, Pac-Man, Sonic, Zangief, M.
Bison, Dr. Eggman, Clyde, Kano, Scorpion, Ken, Chun Li, Tapper, Dig Dug, a
zombie from House of the Dead, or even original characters in no particular
order (no Nintendo characters, unfortunately, you can have parodies,
though). As for Sonic, though, that
would be another ride in itself.
HM4: The Twilight Zone
No reason
except to match the theme to the adjacent Tower of Terror. If the Imagineers can make a hit drop ride
involving a malfunctioning elevator with the Twilight Zone franchise, they can
do so with a high-speed stretch limo.
HM5: This is Spinal Tap
The
question isn’t why. I’d frame it as
this: why not? It mixes movie magic and
heavy metal to have the fictional British hard rock icons have their own roller
coaster in a theme park themed around Hollywood (and yes, I know they have
songs like “Big Bottom,” “Sex Farm,” “Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight,” and
“Saucy Jack” (which came from a musical by David St. Hubbins), just to name a
few). But what makes this brilliant is
that with a rich “history” of the band for the Imagineers to play with, a lot
of great songs, the fact that Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, and Harry
Shearer (who just coincidentally quit The
Simpsons and did not reprise his roles on The Simpsons Ride in Universal) are still alive and possibly able
to play music, and some of the funniest commentary on rock music from the 80s
(and possibly today) that you’ll ever hear.
And with the memorable quotes and moments from the movie, like
malfunctioning stage effects, poorly-designed stage props, the reaction to the
censored Smell the Glove album cover,
and even the multiple drummers dying or quitting, you have a lot to work with
in creating the coaster. Hell, you can
keep the story from the original ride but spoof it at the same time, with the
drummer suddenly dying on the way and being replaced at the last minute for the
big show at an anime convention you’re racing through L.A. to get to (in
reference to the fact that in the movie, the venues progressively get lamer
before the band’s success in Japan leads to an Asia tour). That and the anime/game/comic convention
ending could be an added joke to the fact that the band may have gotten big on
Weekly Shonen Jump (or Sunday or Magazine if Jump doesn’t like the idea of
Spinal Tap enjoying their work), Marvel, and Playstation between their
disastrous Smell the Glove tour and
the current promotional tour for their new album, with a silly title and
raunchy album cover (again?!) to boot.
And yes, I’m sure that you can also apply this logic in creating your
own fictional joke band with the same problems as Spinal Tap, if not worse, if
the guys don’t want to do it. What I
mean is that there are many jokes you can make about modern hard rock,
post-grunge, rap metal, nu metal, pop punk, emo, metalcore, deathcore, djent,
post-punk revival, garage rock revival, indie rock, indie pop, electrorock, and
even indie folk that deserve a good spoofing.
But that’s just my opinion.
Consider this an honorary number 12.
HM6: Interstella 5555
An anime
based on Daft Punk, the duo is still around, their music meshes rock, pop,
funk, disco, and electronica into a legendary style, their image is
distinctive, and the anime is considered an iconic one? Why is Disney not even jumping on the potential
(even though the fact that Universal’s music-themed roller coaster has “Harder,
Better, Faster, Stronger” from the movie and the album that serves as its
soundtrack may cause confusion for visitors to both resorts).
HM7: Brutal Legend
With the
themes, iconography, and music, this would be a great replacement theme for the
ride. Unfortunately, the game is too
mature, violent, vulgar, and bloody for Disney to handle. So while I could see Disney doing this, I can
also see Disney not doing this.
HM8: Metalocalypse
See
Brutal Legend above.
HM9: Sonic the Hedgehog
This is
so obvious to do, but I’m not sure about this because of the license being
owned by Merlin Entertainment at one point (with a Sonic-themed ride in Alton
Towers for a brief time). But if
Universal can use Nintendo characters a while after Six Flags showcased the
Wii, then Disney can theme something to the blue blur after the Sonic theme for
Spinball Whizzer was taken down. Plus
Disney did air Sonic cartoons on Toon Disney/Disney XD, and that’s how I was
first introduced to the world of this:
(Expect
more of that next week)
For the
coaster, it’s simple. Just turn
Hollywood into a mix of the Green Hill and Scrap Brain Zones from the first
game (with the modern or Boom designs for Sonic and Eggman if Sega demands it)
and get Jun Senoue to do the soundtrack.
And yes, that can lead to Crush 40 songs blaring as you travel through
loops. Also, make sure it’s as if you’re
speeding alongside Sonic in familiar sets and props from the games (recreated
in real-life or something close to real).
For the story, it can be altered so that other characters can be the
main hero on your adventure (depending on the train) with different methods to
handling the fight with Dr. Eggman. In
short, you get a retheme that could change the game for video game-themed rides
before Nintendo Land comes out.
HM10: Any anime with a story
involving music (preferably rock)
There is
a lot of music-themed anime and manga with concepts that could work for a
re-theme of Rock N’ Roller Coaster.
Several of these would include K-On, Love Live!, The Idolm@ster, Beck:
The Mongolian Chop Squad, the recent Bang! Dream, and even something called
Macross. For those, the ideas would be
based around racing through the world of anime while music from it plays in the
background, loud and proud. Plus the music
aspects of these shows would be the focal point of the story, with ideas like
getting to a show, bringing joy to people, or protecting Earth from
extra-terrestrial threats. It would be
fun, intense, and arguably moé. Think of
this as a blanket idea.
HM11: Detroit Metal City
See
Brutal Legend and Metalocalypse above.
HM12: Gintama
This one
might be a little tough, as it’s probably a good idea to understand Japanese
culture, pop culture, anime, manga, games, politics, and events to even
understand the humor, despite it being fast enough that anyone with NO
knowledge on Japan can find it funny.
There are a lot of great ideas coming from this series of manga and
anime that can translate into a very funny, but thrilling ride, such as the
Shinsengumi and their antics, the work of Odd Jobs (which can lead to an idol,
band, or aspiring musical artist to become the musical focus), the Amanto and
their colorful backgrounds, and even the day-to-day life of the shogun (SHOGUN
KAYO?!) There is a lot of material for
the Imagineers here, but the issue may be the translation issues that led to
the series to NOW get an English dub (one from Crunchyroll with involvement
from Ocean Productions in Canada), and some of the gags may not translate well
to Florida. I’d give this theme as an
idea to Tokyo Disneyland to play around with first (and have it in Tomorrowland
to fit the sci-fi elements of this series).
HM13: Jojo’s Bizarre
Adventure
HM14: Soul Eater
Essentially
apply the same logic to the Fullmetal Alchemist ride concept I devised, and
instead do Soul Eater, with its focus on obtaining and reaping evil souls with
your weapon. That and Medusa would
replace the Homunculi while the test is from Death, Spirit Albarn, and Dr.
Stein. And the ending cameo would be
Excalibur, with Sword and the Stone
references for Disney purists. And no,
there won’t be any testing for weapons; there will be a focus on finding
meisters. For music, the fast-paced
opening and ending themes, especially “Resonance” by T.M. Revolution, would fit
the ride extremely well.
This
won’t:
1. BlazBlue:
This is
probably my personal pick for a Rock N’ Roller Coaster makeover
theme-wise. Why? Well the reasons are the following. The story is loaded with fun, colorful
characters that range from snarky-but-heroic (Ragna), crazy (Jin), good-natured
(Noel), fun (Taokaka, Bang, Makoto), outright hate-inducing (Hazama/Terumi,
Relius, and Izanami), conflicted (Litchi, Arakune, Carl, Tsubaki/Izayoi),
badass (Tager, Azrael, Bullet, Kagura, Hibiki), rich with experience (Rachel,
Hakumen, Kokonoe, Jubei, Valkenhayn, Amane, Nine, and Es), universe-bending and
lore-expanding (Celica (not rage-inducing enough for me), Naoto, and Mai), and
creepy (the Murakumos), all with their quirks (and yes, I almost forgot
Platinum, but she doesn’t need to be brought up here). There are a lot of concepts, themes, and
ideas that the Imagineers can play around with, such as The Boundary, Continuum
Shifts, time travel, parallel universes, possibilities, and the concept of
fate. And that soundtrack is awesome,
with its mix of metal, rock, anison, and even other genres to match each
character. As for the experience, here
are some ideas I have that come from the games, other material, and so on:
- Rock N’ Roller Coaster with Yuuki Terumi:
:origin()/pre08/8436/th/pre/f/2016/121/d/b/blazblue_rock_band__by_fu_reiji-da0z37d.jpg)
For this,
the ride would still have the original storyline of speeding through the city
to get to a concert. This time, it would
be Terumi’s band at the end of his gag reel in Chronophantasma with Terumi on
vocals/guitar, Relius on guitar/vocals, Ragna on drums, and some shmuck on
bass. For the story itself, you can
alter it so that there’s an opening band with Noel, Jin (or Mai and Kajun),
Tsubaki, and Makoto on vocals, guitar, bass, and drums, and somehow Jin wants
to form a Van Halen style band with Ragna (out of brotherly “conflict”), which
would derail both bands, with scenarios where this happens. Or another situation where Ragna pulls a Dave
Grohl, like Terumi before him, and starts a band with other characters, where
he is the singer/guitarist (and yes, you can hear Patrick Seitz sing like Dave
Grohl in this scenario). And keeping to
the idea or multiple possibilities, the stories can change depending on the
ride-through and pre-show and what goes on in them, with a Star Tours II method
of changing the storyline.
- A ride-through any of the game climaxes:
For this,
the ride would be an adventure where the endings to either Calamity Trigger,
Continuum Shift, Chronophantasma, or Central Fiction would be recreated in ride
form, you launch in to either capture/aid Ragna in defeating
Nu/Terumi/Mu/Izanami/Susanno before the apocalypse has any possibility of
happening. And yes, all of these are
possible with projections and lighting determining which trip you’ll go
through, with a portal leading to any of these.
Hell, the pre-show could be an NOL transmission telling riders that
Ragna is on the loose, before Sector Seven hacks in and tells riders that you
are supposed to AID the Grim Reaper in SAVING THE WORLD from whatever the
villains, Terumi, Relius, Nine, and Izanami, have in store for causing
Armageddon. And they’ll rig things that
you’ll be put in the action.
- The Boundary:
For this,
it’s just the Boundary. Let’s say that
the Novus Orbis Librarium’s engineering division has devised a way to travel
through the boundary safely (or not, because they’re the VILLAINS), and you’re
all the test subjects. So you enter the
EBSTT (Enhanced Boundary Safe Travel Trains), which resemble stretch limos
because the head of the division, Colonel Relius Clover, was convinced by
Captain Hazama from Intelligence to use the iconography of the limousine to
give the test subjects some feeling of fame, which would be crushed if the
experiment fails or claimed if the experiment succeeds. But the experiment is rigged to fail, so Kokonoe
has Makoto hack into the system (with some help from other operatives) to
ensure that the Boundary trip doesn’t cause death or a transformation of the
riders a.la Arakune. As for the trip
into the boundary, it can be scenes from the games, like the climaxes that I’ve
mentioned, historical events like the Black Beast’s rampage, showcases of the
Boundary itself, crossovers with other Disney properties (and even Star Wars),
or gag scenarios like the saga of the Island of Brotherly Conflict, Golden
Tager X and his battles, a challenge of manliness with Bang, Azrael, Kagura,
Relius, Ragna, Amane, and others getting screwed at the end, or something
happening to Ragna (he’s the butt monkey in this storyline, don't let the image above fool you) such as being a
chick magnet, becoming a ghost,...
...a Torifune Military Academy
student (either a boy or girl depending on which is funnier and which dorm he's assigned to), or becoming the
equivalent to Mai in the grouping of Trinity, Nine, and Celica, and his journey is EXACTLY like Mai's, except we see how he encounters the No-Name Grimoire. Ragna's reaction to me making a headcannon for a gender-bender storyline for him in 3, 2, 1...
The end would be arriving at Sector Seven headquarters, giving Terumi
and Relius the sense that they succeeded in killing you while you still live
on, meeting with Professor Kokonoe, Rachel, and Kagura to ensure that you don’t
go through what you undertook again and that the NOL will be changed for the
better (unless you get back in line to experience another scenario), and Ragna
complaining to the three about something happening to him due to the effects of
the Boundary on his body (such as body-swapping with Jin, Noel,
Tsubaki, or Makoto, gender, personality, age, or even species change). Then you disembark, check your photos, and go
into the gift shop and the rest of the park.
This sounds like the ideal version, you know, but it isn’t the only one.
- Any of the extra material like manga, light novels, visual novels, or drama CDs being recreated
This is
arguably the easiest way to go, because there’s a lot of side material to the
games with more characters, concepts, and ideas that the Imagineers can play
around with. But here’s the catch:
Disney may have to consider a Tokyo version of this ride first (due to the fact
that most of this, outside of XBlaze and Remix Heart, is in Japanese). Depending on how well it does and if the
Imagineers are willing to translate the content of the ride to English, we
could see something along the lines of supplemental material to the games.
- Something based on the next story arc Mori is planning:
What this
means is that we’ll get a ride based on the arc that Mori is planning,
obviously. Hell, it could be a way to
bring in Alpha-α-01 into the world in a canon form before the games do (or
after, depending on if Star Wars Land and/or Toy Story Land is successful
enough to ensure that Disney can safely change the coaster). That would be a cool idea, and it may lead to
some great ideas.
In short,
those are some basic ideas for the BlazBlue makeover of the ride. And yes, I feel that these would be perfect
for a makeover. But the thing that ties
it all together should be the music.
With its fast and furious feel and attitude, it can turn the trips
through the boundary from weird to awesome.
And yes, I feel that a lot of the effects would be a mix of cutting edge
Audio-Animatronics, lights, projections like the ones used for Hatsune Miku and
even Tupac, smoke effects, and lasers alongside several physical sets. All of that combining to tell the story
you’re riding through, which can be anything I’ve mentioned.
And these are my picks
for new themes for the Rock N’ Roller Coaster starring Aerosmith in hopefully
the near future. If you have any
suggestions, comments, advice, and wondering if I missed out on a great new
theme, feel free to leave them in the comments.
Also, this is not to change your opinion on the ride. This is meant to be a thought exercise that
can show my skills at creating new ideas and stories for old rides. If you have any ideas, again, tell me in the
comments what you want to be the new theme.
If you comment about Joe Rhode’s weird ear or how the yeti is still not
fixed, then I hope you have something funny to say.
Lastly, I wonder if
anybody who reviews theme parks have ideas of their own. I’d like to know theirs.
Until next time, this
is The Rock Otaku. Love Loud, Play Hard,
and Rock On!
All used references
are done under the rules of fair use and are owned by their original creators.
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