Hello degenerates,
heathens, weirdos, deviants, pirates and privateers. I am
the Rock Otaku, and I’m here to show you worlds such as hard rock, metal, punk,
alternative rock, movies, TV, anime, video games, and anything that makes us
scream, shout, and save the galaxy again.
Today, I review a
movie that I’ve recently seen that both fits my interests alongside my
standards of high-octane, high-caliber blockbusters: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.
If you’re not sure
what this is, here’s a brief history. In
1967, the ride Pirates of the Caribbean,
one of if not the final ride observed from start to finish by Walt Disney in
its development, opened in Disneyland, becoming one of the most acclaimed
attractions in the park with its theming, atmosphere, charm, and state of the
art Audio-Animatronics. It later got
versions in Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom Park, Tokyo Disneyland, and
Disneyland Paris. The ride would
continue the interest of piracy and its legends to the current day, leading to
everything from The Secret of Monkey
Island to the manga One Piece. Then in 2003, a film adaptation from Walt
Disney Pictures, known as Pirates of the
Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, with Jerry Bruckheimer (Top Gun, The Rock, Armageddon) as
producer, Gore Verbinski (The Ring)
as director, and starring Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, and Orlando Bloom, was
relased, becoming a massive hit for the company, making Depp, a character actor
known for his work with Tim Burton and Terry Gilliam beforehand, a superstar
and pushing boundaries for the family entertainment-based company with its
focus on swashbuckling action and adventure in a PG-13 format (yes, this movie
was Disney’s first film with that rating not released under the Touchstone
label), leading to later films and releases such as the Marvel Cinematic Universe
under their distribution as well as the current crop of Star Wars films (all the current ones released under the Disney
brand were rated PG-13). Obviously, it
got sequels, with Dead Man’s Chest, At World’s End, and On Stranger Tides being released in 2006, 2007, and 2011
respectively, the first two helmed by Verbinski. And while the series is successful, each one
is notorious for getting worse word from critics and general audiences not
caring as much successively, and now we’re at the fifth film, which has two new
directors, Espen Sandberg and Joachim Ronning of Kon Tiki and Bandidas fame, at
the helm with Disney hoping to continue the franchise while also breaking its
curse of lesser returns and acclaim than the last film while also making it
more like the first in execution. Did
they succeed?
First, the plot. The film follows the adventures of notorious
pirate Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) as he’s put in a scenario where he
has to find the legendary Trident of Poseidon to prevent the evil Captain
Salazar (Javier Bardem), who escaped the Devil’s Triangle, from eradicating
piracy from the Caribbean with said item.
Along the way is Henry (Brenton Thwaites), a sailor familiar with the
myths and who has some history through his family with Sparrow as well as
Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario), a female astronomer who knows how to get to the
Trident. Along the way are several friends
of Jack, including Gibbs (Kevin McNally) alongside the British Navy being a
pain in the Captain’s nautical arse as per usual and Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey
Rush), who loses his power on the high seas to Salazar. Ensuing is multiple swashbuckling battles,
sword fights, ship battles, and bizarre mythology, as per usual in the
franchise.
Is it any good? That’s the million dollar question. And my answer is… uh, I feel two ways about
this. While a good chunk of the film is
pretty standard for the series, with only one or two, possibly three or four,
moments that are truly memorable. And
yes, Henry is Will Turner’s and Elizabeth Swan’s son, so his motives involve
trying to rescue his father from his curse, bounding him to the Flying Dutchman
since the third film. And that’s where
the film arguably stumbles. While I can
say, because I’ve seen all 4, now 5, that I can follow the plot a little and
understand each detail, I can’t say that about everyone else, considering that
the filmmakers are trying to go back to basics here. What I mean is that, like with COTBP, the
film’s primary antagonists are a bunch of ghostly cursed sailors (gee, where
have I seen that before), you have the British Navy as co-antagonists, the
focal point of the main plot is a Turner with Jack Sparrow as the wild card comic
relief (while he plays a major role in the overall plot, driving the bad and
good guys mainly), there’s a headstrong female co-lead (who I’ll get to), and
some of the moments feel like they came straight out of the first film,
including an execution scene that may include a fun little moment but, due to
its placement in the story, doesn’t have any stakes. But if I have to give the filmmakers credit,
they finally have a scene with sharks trying to kill our heroes, which is
something that I didn’t realize I needed (even if the closest thing to it
earlier were mermaids and, wait for it, a cursed pirate crew).
Character-wise, the
performances are pretty interesting, but with a few weak points. First is Brenton Thwaites, who’s definitely
the hero and takes from Orlando Bloom in the swashbuckling hero department, and
manages to have a few decent moments, even if he ends up being less important later
on. However, I have to say it, while
Johnny Depp is great as Sparrow, and will definitely be remembered for it, even
he’s getting a little tired in the role and showing signs that the freshness of
the character that made him so loveable is starting to weaken, and it’s causing
me to not care as much whether he makes it, even when he manages to bring a few
funny and charming moments in the film.
Also, we get to see a younger Sparrow, created through de-aging effects
like what’s been seen in other tentpole films by Disney (they seem to really
care about continuity and iconography lately), in a scene where he’s arguably
more interesting and engaging than in the present, since it’s the moment where
we are revealed the villain’s motives and reasons for his curse. Speaking of, while Javier Bardem can be a
great villain actor (with No Country for
Old Men and Skyfall showing this
perfectly), the character of Salazar, probably due to the writing, the
characterization, or how similar his role is to COTBP skeleton Barbossa, is not
as menacing, terrifying, or memorable as previous villains. I mean, while his appearance is cool, and it
really captures just how screwed up he and his crew has gotten thanks to the
Devil’s Triangle, it’s not as scary as a skeleton Geoffrey Rush, a half-squid
Bill Nighy, or even Ian McShane hamming it up as Blackbeard. And while his ship does have some cool
aspects, such as the ability to destroy ships by simply sailing over them, and
then there’s the otherworldly aspects of his crew, he’s not as threatening or
as dangerous as the previous antagonists.
Seriously, I’d like to see a Pirates film where the British Navy are the
true antagonists for a film (At World’s
End barely counts), and the character is played by a modern British actor
with some true menace.
But not every
character is a disaster, as Barbossa is pretty entertaining as usual, and is
arguably one of the better characters here.
Also in that running is Kaya Scodelario’s Carina Smyth, a brilliant
astronomer and horologist who’s trying to complete a puzzle set by her father
in a diary containing clues that’ll get the characters to the trident. And she’s memorable because she’s a woman of
reason and the smartest character in the movie, which leads to a dumb running
gag of the rest of the characters calling her a witch due to her intelligence,
since woman aren’t expected to be smart (ah, 18th-century sexism,
how do I not miss you). Seriously, that
gag, which only has plot relevance for the aforementioned execution scene, is
so half-assed that I think that the filmmakers wanted to give us a reason to
root for her but couldn’t think of something as clever as her. But what she does bring is a sense of logic
and reason, and being able to find some of that in the mythology of the Pirates
franchise. No seriously, she’s
ultimately the most important character in the movie, as she’s the one that
solves all the plot-relevant stuff going on.
But there’s also a twist with her backstory that weaves into one of the
more notable characters in the film, but I’m not going to completely spoil it,
despite the fact that I can admit that it leads to her having some dumb moments
before she figures out what the audience did beforehand. And finally, she does have some funny lines
addressing the outlandishness of the moments she’s in, despite some of the
weirder aspects of the series causing her to act out of character.
But while the
characters are important and all, what about the action, which is why I’m sure
you’re going to check this out. First
off, the shark scene is arguably one of the better moments in the film. Second, the execution scene does have a funny
moment that involves a certain execution device developed in the movie’s time
period and a few close-calls due to its notoriety. Third, there’s a few moments where Salazar’s
ship does some weird things that are cool but not as memorable. Rather than that (as well as a moment that
comes right out of Fast Five), it
feels like the movie is built around a greatest hits montage of the best action
scenes and beats from the previous films, from the sword and ship battles to a
moment where it involves the ocean doing some weird stuff. It’s not as memorable as when it was done the
first time, but if you’re looking to turn your brain off and enjoy the
explosions and pirate action, then it’s fine.
But it’s still done with a lot of skill and practicality (unless CGI is
involved, which there is a lot of it that looks outright fake), and the set
design, the cinematography, the sound design, and the choreography is clear,
easy to follow, and professional. Also, the
score is the same as you’d expect, with a lot of brass, electric guitar-esque
strings, and pounding drums for the action and softer sounds for the quieter
moments as well as all the musical cues you’d expect in a Pirates movie.
And for the plot, the
biggest issue with is that, despite its attempted simplicity, there’s still a
lot going on here. The weird part is
that it’s simple in concept, but there’s so much going on, with all the side
plots, side motives, multiple character point of views, and the double-crossing
as per usual muddling the story and making the movie feel a lot longer than it
really is. I mean, this is around 2
hours (maybe 2 hours and 15 minutes), and it feels like 2 and a half hours with
the amount of filler in the movie, including several gratuitous moments for the
sake of humor, action, story, or trying to get a cameo in (Spoiler: there’s a
Beatle in the cast, and it’s during a moment that’s there for fan service). As a result, this, while not as exhausting as
At World’s End, is pretty exhausting
and it’s ultimately hard to remember it all.
Speaking of which, I’m sure that my immediate family is still wanting to
see Transformers: The Last Knight
when even the signs that it’s going to be a mess are present.
In short, while this
isn’t as bad as On Stranger Tides or At World’s End, nor is it as convoluted,
it’s still a convoluted film with attempts at entertaining the crowd and pleasing
Jack Sparrow fans. While that is fine
for this movie, this is not one that’s going to survive a drunken bender of rum
after seeing it due to how stale it feels.
But the worst aspect is that it proves that Disney would rather have arguably
one of its most important franchises jogging in motion rather than progressing
into more interesting directions (like Marvel, Star Wars, or even the DCEU) to
appease a very easy market to make movies for (and no, leaning Japanese won’t
allow me to ask China and Russia for why they keep demanding these movies to be
homogenous). But to be honest, I did
like it a bit, and there are some moments where I laughed and was on the edge
of my seat, so this may lead to a much higher score than you’d expect. But if you’re looking for quality, stick with
Curse of the Black Pearl or wait
until Wonder Woman, which is looking
to be the smash of the summer.
Final Rating: 6/10 (Yar
har, fiddle dee dee, this pirate movie is okay to me)
And no, I’m not
discussing spoilers.
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Until next time, this
is the Rock Otaku. Live Loud, Play Hard,
and Drink Up Me Hearties, Yo Ho.
All used references
are done under the rules of fair use and are owned by their original
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